Navigating the journey of pregnancy and the period after a baby’s arrival can be an intense and deeply emotional experience for new fathers as well as new mothers. The partner who did not give birth may struggle with complex emotions, balancing support for his partner while also trying to manage his own feelings.
At Chicago Family Therapy Center, we recognize that parenthood brings unique challenges for men and women. Your feelings are valid! It’s okay if you’re not always sure how best to support your partner while caring for your well-being. We’re here to help you find that balance, offering a compassionate space to feel seen, heard, and understood.
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“Congratulations, you’re expecting!”
Whether the news of pregnancy is a surprise, something you were hoping for, or comes after a long journey with infertility, it can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—sometimes conflicting, sometimes confusing, sometimes disturbing, and often all at once. Feelings of joy, excitement, relief, concern, hope, anxiety, and fear are all completely normal when you learn that your partner is pregnant.
Therapy can be a valuable resource for new fathers navigating this complex mix of emotions. It provides a space to process your feelings while learning how to balance your needs with support for your partner.
Preparations for an expanding family can feel overwhelming. Therapy can help you tap into your inner resources, equipping you with tools to manage expectations, plan, and set healthy, realistic goals. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By taking this step, you’re investing in yourself, making you a more present, supportive partner and a more prepared, confident father.
“But I’m not the one who had a baby”
As a new Dad, you might assume that you’re supposed to be the strong, steady support through it all—but your life is changing, too. The arrival of a baby brings a profound shift, and it can impact your emotional well-being just as deeply.
Many new fathers experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even depression, and it’s important to understand that this is real and valid. Sleep deprivation, financial pressures, shifts in identity, and the responsibility of caring for a new life can amplify these feelings. Just because you didn’t give birth doesn’t mean you’re unaffected—your experiences and emotions are equally deserving of attention and support.
Paternal depression and anxiety
Paternal depression and anxiety can set in before or after birth. A variety of factors can play a role in a dad developing prenatal or postpartum depression, including:
- Hormones: Research has shown that fathers experience hormonal changes during and after their partner’s pregnancy, particularly declines in testosterone.
- Partner’s depression: Up to half of men with depressed partners show signs of depression as well.
- Feeling disconnected from mom and baby: Dads want to be part of the newborn experience, but often, they feel as if they’re on the “outside.” Moms may not always realize they exclude dads from caring for the baby. Or they may be so caught up in bonding with the baby that they fail to recognize that Dad wants time with the little one, too.
- Personal or family history of depression: Any history of depression or other mental illness raises the risk of prenatal or postpartum depression.
- Psychological adjustment to parenthood: Becoming a parent requires significant coping skills. This can be overwhelming for moms and dads.
- Sleep deprivation: Most new parents underestimate the role a lack of sleep can play in developing symptoms of anxiety and depression. They also often underestimate just how sleep deprived they are!
Moving forward together
At Chicago Family Therapy Center, we recognize that pregnancy is a unique journey for each partner, and it often brings changes that impact your relationship. It can heighten anxiety, shift dynamics, and introduce new emotions, which is why we provide a space where both partners feel equally heard and supported. Through couples therapy, we focus on strengthening communication and building a foundation of understanding that will serve you not only during pregnancy but also in the future. By enhancing skills such as active listening, open communication, and effective conflict resolution, we help reduce misunderstandings and foster a deeper sense of intimacy.
Therapy also offers an opportunity to reconnect as a couple and regain a sense of closeness that can sometimes be lost during this period. Physical changes, emotional stress, and the focus on the baby can cause partners to feel distant. In our sessions, we address these shifts and work on rebuilding your emotional connection, ensuring you both feel like equal partners in this journey. We focus on each partner’s needs and create a balanced, supportive environment where both feel valued. By nurturing your relationship alongside preparing for parenthood, you will lay a solid emotional foundation to face the challenges ahead together.
Individual therapy is important, too
Individual therapy can be a powerful complement to couples therapy, offering a personal space where you can explore your own emotions, challenges, and hopes as you prepare for the changes ahead. At Chicago Family Therapy Center, we understand that taking time for yourself doesn’t just benefit you—it strengthens your ability to support your partner and be the best parent you can be. Through individual therapy, you can gain insight into your own responses, build resilience, and develop tools to manage stress and anxiety. This process not only helps you feel more grounded and confident but can also positively impact your relationship, fostering a deeper connection and sense of support between you and your partner.
Take the next step
As you navigate the transformative journey of pregnancy and parenthood, remember that you are not alone in your feelings and experiences. Support is available, whether through couples therapy, individual sessions, or a combination of both. Embracing this opportunity for growth can help you strengthen your relationship and foster a healthy emotional environment for your family. At Chicago Family Therapy Center, we are here to support you every step of the way. If you’re ready to take the next step in nurturing your well-being and that of your partner and child, reach out to us today to learn more about how we can help you thrive during this exciting time.
What does the research say?
Paternal depression can negatively affect child development and is more common than is often assumed. The prevalence of prenatal depression in fathers peaks at 13.59% in the first trimester. Postpartum depression affects 9.23% of fathers when the infant is between three and six months.
- Nazareth, I. (2011). Should men be screened and treated for postnatal depression?. Expert Review of Neurotherapeutics, 11, 1 – 3. https://doi.org/10.1586/ern.10.183.
- Rao, W., Zhu, X., Zong, Q., Zhang, Q., Hall, B., Ungvari, G., & Xiang, Y. (2019). Prevalence of prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers: A comprehensive meta-analysis of observational surveys.. Journal of affective disorders. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2019.10.030.
Paternal anxiety also has significant effects on child development, influencing behavioral and emotional outcomes as well as cognitive performance. Research indicates that fathers experience elevated levels of anxiety during the perinatal period, particularly around the time of birth, with prevalence rates ranging from 2.4% to 51.0% postnatally.
- Fisher, M., Sutcliffe, P., Southern, C., Grove, A., & Tan, B. (2022). The Effectiveness of Interventions for the Prevention or Treatment of Paternal Perinatal Anxiety: A Systematic Review. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 11. https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm11226617.
- Jones, S., Caccese, C., Davis, K., Lew, J., Elgbeili, G., Herba, C., Barnwell, J., Robert, C., Gavanski, I., Horsley, K., Fraser, W., Da Costa, D., Séguin, J., Nguyen, T., & Montreuil, T. (2023). Longitudinal associations between paternal mental health and child behavior and cognition in middle childhood. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1218384.